Top Ten Ways to Torpedo Your Software Project
In our white paper The Software Reality Check: Diagnosing Software Projects in Crisis, we describe some of the symptoms and causes of failure in software projects, and explain the process we use to diagnose troubled projects.
No doubt, the paper provokes well-intentioned readers to reflect on the health of their own software projects and ask themselves, “Is my project exhibiting any of these symptoms? If so, how can I find and fix the problem?”
On the other hand, readers who are purely evil have different priorities and are moved to pose questions like “How can I use this information to destroy my project before it comes to fruition?”
While we don’t in any way endorse evil, we do like to be fair. And that’s why we compiled this list of the top ten ways to torpedo your software project:
- Schedule 12 weeks for development and 12 minutes for testing.
- Budget for 12 minutes of development and 12 minutes of testing.
- Define the goal of the software project as being “to make money”.
- Recruit that crackerjack developer who your friend describes as “amazing—knows exactly what you want after five minutes on the phone and starts coding immediately”.
- Ask users about how the software should work and then build something completely different. Surprise!
- Ignore software attributes that end in -ility, like scalability, flexibility, testability, etc.
- Laughingly refer to everyone in your team as Dilbert or Neo.
- Choose the software architect from among the development team—programmers, testers, technical writers—using eeny meeny miny moe. Make sure the team knows that moe gets paid “moe money” than they do.
- Ask your team to rewrite user stories so they all begin with “Roses are red…”
- Encourage team spirit by organizing a mandatory Friday afternoon Fight Club, where the slowest programmers face off in the conference room.
While this list is ostensibly targeted at black-hat-wearing villains, it can also be instructive for those of us who are working hard to build great software.
At Architech, our approach is lean and disciplined. We believe in treating everyone with respect and moving fast to deliver what’s really needed.
If you run into problems with your software project, give us a call and we’ll help you get back on track.